This week marks the first time I actively took a break from my 8-630 job to pursue writing. And, as expected, I spent most of that time putzing around, re-reading old works to get caught up to where I COULD write, and essentially removing myself from the world to continue doing what I do worst.
Somewhere between realizing I’m torn between creating a Bushcraft bag, a Bug Out/Tactical survival bag, and a backpack for camping and clickbait presidential debate blogs, I found I had no excuses for not writing. My worst enemy isn’t my paying job, isn’t low energy from diabetes, isn’t a lack of files I thought I forgot but didn’t, isn’t my workspace even though I’d love more graphics to line the walls. It’s time management.
Nevermind the fact that I can’t actually use Microsoft Word 365 without being connected to the internet, as I had hoped.
So what does this mean? I’ve read up on a phenomenal story I started in 2011 and am 64 pages in, fixed/closed loose ends and updated the character sheets. I’ve read Carl Jung’s final two essays on the State vs. Religion and self-actualization. I sharpened my new ESEE knives and cut up garlic with them. I made great food and drank my first moonshine (Mixed with Coke Zero. Really good).
Still not writing. It angers me, but it also highlights something that I’ve been told my whole writing career: write. Even if it’s stupid crap. Even if it means nothing. It’s the habit, the pattern that will keep me writing. Not the environment. Not the food intake. Not the distraction. (Although maximizing and minimizing these do help) I’m now in a place to dominate my writing and I can’t because I don’t have the firm foundation.
This wonderful, secluded cabin will not get me the book I want. It’ll get me the relaxation I want. It’ll improve my mental state and pave the way for (possibly) great writing. It’ll help me see how lacking I am in the writing department, and how important it is I NOT STOP WRITING.
But it won’t get me writing. So to my past self, my present self, and my future self: I am so, so sorry I haven’t taken care of my writing self. I am to blame. Fully.
And with that, I’ll close out this blog (still not writing where I need to!!!) and, once more, try to get some writing done.
I hope everyone else that’s reading this is having a better go at this. #amwriting