I’m swimming in a sea of energy. No, this isn’t a metaphysical statement. After nearly a year and a half of being diabetic, I have finally recovered from the initial attack to feel like my old self again. This means vibrant, abundant energy from the moment I wake, regardless of carbs or sedentary lifestyle (I’d like to say I’m not sedentary, but given my “poor folk” status and stress of not being able to pay bills, I’ve been mostly hiding, writing, and applying to jobs). This means inspired writing and the ability to have a complex, and complete, thought.
I’m Type 2. I’m an “oddity,” to my doctors. I’ve apparently built up a resistance to insulin my body releases normally and I’ve become insulin dependent.
I don’t think it normally takes a diabetic a year to recover. Even with my reaction–which was an amalgamation of violent symptoms beginning with extreme fatigue and lack of sleep and ending with 103 temp and vomiting. Even with my fasting Blood Sugar around 100 (which is healthy, safe, and normal), I still had little energy, little vim.
A year later, the doctors told me that, simultaneous to the diabetes, my liver was giving off enzymes. Dangerous, “your stuff’s broken” enzymes. I could wail and gnash my teeth but I didn’t. I reacted by losing weight (I was 185 before diagnosis. I gained 30 pounds when I stopped eating sugar and other carbs), becoming more physically active (I walked a mile a day), and trying to suss out the reasons.
Docs said I had more tests to take, but, back to the po’ broke area, I couldn’t afford them without doing lots of research and/or begging family members. Wasn’t going to happen.
So now, miraculously, my blood sugar is low (120 on a regular day) even when I eat carbs. I’m not talking a gallon of soda or a quart of ice cream, but eating a burrito for a meal, or more than two slices of pizza. It’s still preventative, but it’s also quite exciting.
I can write again. I can absorb again. I can spacially study a series of events and actually explain it. I can truly rewrite two chapters in a row without having to pick it up the next day.
And, I can stay away from Aspartame, my writing nemesis. That stuff makes me as dumb as a rock. Two rocks, even.
I feel vitalized; I’ve rewritten work in two days that has, until now, taken me nearly six months to do. I’ve found my ability to think separately from the work I’m studying.
Hopefully my liver is back to normal. Hopefully my insulin dependence will be short-lived. If not, I’m fine with it. Take my junk food options away from me, but don’t take my creativity. As of now, it’s all I have.
Along with my fiancee.