The First Post is Always the Hardest

Not really.


My head’s been in the ground for the past, say, month or so. I’ve spent a lot of time being nervous, escaping, being afraid, etc. What, you might ask? Life. I guess. I want to be published. I’ve spent over twenty hours rewriting my query letter for It Gave Me a Name (from now on being acronymned to IGMAN), and even now the query’s off, imperfect, and improperly painting pictures of the book.

I had a good talk with Cygnus last night (my S/O). She’s been an integral part of my life for over two years now, and she’s been a huge help to all things spiritual/mystical in her life. She’s had a lot of stuff go on in her life, and IGMAN is a small, small retelling of it. Small. With my own personal flare.

I’m angry today. Fearful. Frustrated. Why? I don’t know, exactly. Everything I’ve done to stay afloat with my writing and my real job (writing so far is unpaid) has worked up until now. It feels like I’m constantly rolling, rolling, rolling backward into debt.

This is the other frustration: all the great fun of life, the world, society, strategy, research, and the greater awesome that is this world is put on hold since I’ve been out of the academic field (college). I thirst for depth, for knowledge. Every book I pick up is fluff, of a premise that’s so full of promise it can’t be bad, yet when I read it, there’s nothing but dialogue and a rudimentary knowledge of what the person is writing about. Every direction I face when it comes to reading seems like a direction of shallow storytelling.

It’s that “appeal to the greatest amount of people” strategy that the Metamorphoses of Ovid wholeheartedly agreed with: Mediocraty is key. One strives to not stand out in any way, and make as big an impact on the world from there. This is definitely true for writing. In this sickly American culture where money is God, there is no place for truth in writing. It is only product to be distributed. It is only something to be sold for the biggest buck. It is ridiculous.

So. I’ll spend five more minutes focusing my frustration. I thirst for knowledge. I thirst for interesting people. I thirst for… well… everything of quality.

You can keep your Twilight and your Harry Potters. Your daVinci Codes and Secrets. Give me quality. For the love of everything holy. Give me quality.


Oh, and The Life of Pi was awesome. 🙂

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